so my writing professor has this idea that if we sit at a computer or even just feel like writing we should write anything that comes to our mind. so i am going to try it here with this blog. if i say anything really mean i am sorry and hope i dont offend anyone.
today has been one of those days where you think it went well but you are not sure. i went shopping with this really hott boy and my roommate which was tons of fun. but then its like i dont know where i stand with this guy. i just want to know thats all i ask for. i hate when guys are like oh i dont know. i have been through this so many times that i dont think its worth it anymore. i just want to text him and be like we cant hang out anymore because my feelings are getting involved and i dont want to get hurt. i have been hurt by to many guys and dont want to add another one right now. last year i was the girl on the side of johnny and i am not doing that again. i cant. who cares about me. UGH I HATE PEOPLE!!!! i just want to scream so bad. i am sick of being the nice ass person. i want to be the bitch, i want to be the person no one calls for help. i dont want to be the best friend. i hate it. i am always the person who has no feelings and just needs to be there for her friends. I HAVE FEELINGS!!! i do the same things as them. i am not on another level. i just want to be seen as me. why is this so hard for people? why? I dont understand. this brings out a really mean person i know but i kinda dont care anymore. i want to be able to have fun to and not regret anything. I want my friends to be happy and i want to help them but not all the time. I have problems too. So many problems that many dont know about. yea my family is fucked up but who cares right? yea i am having guy problems and at points i just want to cry. but who cares. i dont know what else to say. i think my mind is running out of ideas to write i had no idea this was what i was gonna get. i feel bad for bursting out but i shouldnt and i know this. I feel like i live in a world where i just blend in and well i want to stand out. i want to be different but i am. why dont i understand. where is this coming from. i have no idea. i think i need to give up on some situations and well its gonna hurt. but im done. best friends maybe are not the friends i thought they were and thats ok. i can live without them. i am not doing their dirty work anymore. fuck them. guys and girls can not be best friends and expect it to work.
well i think i am done for the night. maybe some more later. who knows.....
lovehate
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