It is like a flash

I never thought my life would be in the position it is right now. I am semi happy. lol who would of thought. My mom is finally realizing that she can not control me and Jason is not mad at me....haha. Well more like I am not mad at Jason. Things seem to be looking up for him and I. I just hope they continue that way. I love him! I am going home this weekend to see him and I am so excited! Six weeks with no sex is rough on the body hahahahaha. I did go to the doctor this week and I am now on birth control. Safety first! Not much else is new.

I have decided that life is to short to worry about anything. I have seen so many lives taken way to early that I am not holding back anymore. I am ready to take life at full speed. I only get one shot at my life. I need to learn how to be more outspoken. I need to be honest right upfront. UGH!

I have been hanging out with Toni and I hope our friendship can mend itself. I don't things will ever quite be the same but they can be close. I talked to Josh to so hopefully him and I can get over our awkward stage in our lives. Terrell and I seem to have let go of the past also. He apologized for everything he did to me in high school. All the times he made me cry...haha i was a silly girl. I have not had enough nerve to ask him if he ever did like me but I will ask someday. Kristi and I talk often too which is nice. All these old friends coming back into my life I like it.
But most importantly I miss Kim and Teenie..the two who have stuck by my side through thick and thin.

School sucks! nothing else to say. I want to be done now. I am to busy for my own good.
Beloit = 4 days!!!!!!!!!! I never thought it would be so close! I hope it goes well but I predict the worse.

lovelove

I hate this part right here

AH! I am done with fighting....all Jason and I do is fight anymore. We have not talked in five days and it is killing me. I try to make things work but he won't talk to me. I just want to talk to him and figure out what I need to do. Maybe it is time for us to go our separate ways or maybe we need this to be stronger I am not sure as of right now. Ever since Christmas I have had doubts and I don't know why. I just want it to work but he says everything is fine blah blah blah.....I can't see myself without him. Single......it has been awhile since I have had that freedom. Pretty sure I don't want it again. My heart hurts....my body hurts....ugh lets get over this

2009!!!!

Ah! well 2009 has started off bad. I re read my last post and I was so excited to go home and now I look back on it and home sucked. My mom and I were able to get over our differences which was a plus yet one things goes right another goes wrong. Jason and I are having problems. Or maybe it's me that is having a problem. There is no communication and it drives me off the wall. I say I love you he says see ya later. I say why don't you say it and he ignores me. sigh
Ask myself is it me? Do I not communicate? Do we both not communicate? Am I worrying over nothing? Am I being stupid? UGH!!!! Relationships take so much work! Why can't life be easy?

Now that that is out of the way. Hm...2009 brings new hopes and dreams. haha dreams that will never be reached. I want to be in Beloit. I want to be with Jason. I want to be happy. Why can't I have these things? Because I want want want when really what I need is an education. stupid school.

J-term starts tomorrow! YAY! hate it. maybe I need a distraction for awhile. maybe i need to drop out of life. haha see the confusion that goes on. I hate it!

Well I hate this weather! Hopefully it starts to get warm in like a month....highly doubt it but I can hope.

loveconfusion!