I hate that Jason my boss wants to get at me so bad. He is texting me now wanting me to go over to his house. NO NO NO maybe if he was younger and not my boss I would reconsider but HE is all of those things. I feel bad for the guy. He needs to just find someone to take care of him. I guess it keeps work interesting for now. I work my ass off at fireworks to be the best that I can and I still feel like I can be better. A lot of things are starting to annoy me at work such as Courtney being on the phone all the time when there are customers or her being in the back flirting with her boy toy I can not stand it. She needs to do her job. UGH!!!
I still the same way about my friends....I just dont know anymore. I do love working with Ashley, this season at fireworks we have become really good friends and I LOVE it.
Tomorrow I go to Steven's Point to accept my award on being a volunteer or something of the other it is a huge honor and I am glad that I was chosen but I don't do anything for myself I could really care less. It is about seeing change in our community that is all I care about.
BOYS! Well none....they all have girlfriends. I am focusing on me....
lovehate
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Tears
I seem to cry a lot more these days....i hate it. I just want to be happy. This by far has been the worst summer of my life so far anyways. No one tells me anything and I HATE it. Shit happens at work and I am the last one to find out. My friends tell each other stuff and think that I don't need to know. That I will judge them or something I dont know. I feel like I am closer to people that I would not expcet to be close with.
I am nervous about going back up to lax but after these last couple of weeks I am ready to go. I need to shut myself off from the world for awhile and just focus on getting my life straightened out. I am not going to fuck about with bullshit anymore.
Friendship is about trust and without trust there is no friendship......
I am starting to not trust those friends that I thought i could trust......
It is time for a change
I am nervous about going back up to lax but after these last couple of weeks I am ready to go. I need to shut myself off from the world for awhile and just focus on getting my life straightened out. I am not going to fuck about with bullshit anymore.
Friendship is about trust and without trust there is no friendship......
I am starting to not trust those friends that I thought i could trust......
It is time for a change
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Won't go home without you
work work work work...that is all I do anymore. I mean I love the money but I do not like the job anymore due to the boss hitting on me all the time. I hate it. I use to love working there. It made the summer so much more fun but now I just can't wait for the fireworks season to be over. I am only here for so long and I am missing out on good times with my friends.
Kim leaves this weekend for Madison. I am not sure how I really feel about this. I am super excited for her to get a jump start on her college career but then I feel like it is to soon. I have a feeling she is going to go to college and forget about her friends here. I know this won't happen at first because well we won't let it happen. I just hope that further down the path she doesn't forget about us. I feel like college is going to change her the most out of us three. Teenie and I changed but not really. We just grew up and experienced the freedom like everyone else. Kim is going to get all of this but she is in Madison a bigger city and well a totally different environment. I pray she can stay strong.
I have realized that waiting is not worth it anymore. I use to hold on to past relationships and friends but I can no longer due to this. I have to live today for today and not yesterday or tomorrow. I won a very special award from the state of Wisconsin for my volunteer work in prevention and I have no words to say about how honored I am to win an award of this measure. I don't do what I do for myself I do it for the lives that are harmed by the harmful affects of smoking. I want to see change and it will happen just at a slower pace.
Boys....well there are none. I like a few these days but nothing more. I want a serious relationship. Ha that is not going to happen anytime soon. I am going to focus on getting my life together and getting ready to move to La Crosse. I need to focus on me for some time. I might stick around Beloit longer then I hoped but I am not sure.....I hope not.....I need to find that happiness in myself again..it seems to have left me.
but for now I live for today
lovelove
Kim leaves this weekend for Madison. I am not sure how I really feel about this. I am super excited for her to get a jump start on her college career but then I feel like it is to soon. I have a feeling she is going to go to college and forget about her friends here. I know this won't happen at first because well we won't let it happen. I just hope that further down the path she doesn't forget about us. I feel like college is going to change her the most out of us three. Teenie and I changed but not really. We just grew up and experienced the freedom like everyone else. Kim is going to get all of this but she is in Madison a bigger city and well a totally different environment. I pray she can stay strong.
I have realized that waiting is not worth it anymore. I use to hold on to past relationships and friends but I can no longer due to this. I have to live today for today and not yesterday or tomorrow. I won a very special award from the state of Wisconsin for my volunteer work in prevention and I have no words to say about how honored I am to win an award of this measure. I don't do what I do for myself I do it for the lives that are harmed by the harmful affects of smoking. I want to see change and it will happen just at a slower pace.
Boys....well there are none. I like a few these days but nothing more. I want a serious relationship. Ha that is not going to happen anytime soon. I am going to focus on getting my life together and getting ready to move to La Crosse. I need to focus on me for some time. I might stick around Beloit longer then I hoped but I am not sure.....I hope not.....I need to find that happiness in myself again..it seems to have left me.
but for now I live for today
lovelove
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Can't help myself
Well I have been home for about two weeks and i HATE it. The day after I come home my family decides to fall apart. I didn't really know what was going on and I still don't know what is going on in that area of my life. I thought I was coming home to get away from drama but I def walked into a big mess of it. I do not know what is going on in my life. I want to say I am happy and that I love every single moment of my life. Yet sometimes I don't want to even wake up. All I really want to do is sleep and dream of the life that I once had. A life where I was happy but in reality I have never had that life I just made it seem that way. Now I am paying for pretending to be happy. Hopefully I can get back on track soon.
Beloit has brought some interesting things into my life. My FRIENDS of course make life so much easier but there is so much other shit that i am lucky i have them friends. Josh and I are just friends now. I am content with this. this is what we need to be nothing more. He annoys me and I don't like talking about him anymore haha. There are not any guys here in Beloit right now. There are a few that I have noticed but I am just working and trying to keep my head above water. I don't really know what I want right now. I want a relationship but I don't know if I want to be tied down...who knows. haha
My best friend from the past came back into my life the other day and I have to say I miss having him as a friend. I miss all the memories we have together and all the fun we had. I miss being able to come home and know that he was always next door if I ever needed anything. I miss the midnight phone conversations on the phone while looking through the window. I just wish I wouldn't of cared about who I was in high school and I would of stayed friends with him. I do admit that I made a mistake. I let peer pressure get to me. I should have never gave up on him. He is still the same guy. I always thought him and I would date. I had a crush on him for so long and him the same with me. We spend the night at each other's houses all the time but nothing ever happened we were young and confused.
I am still waiting for that summer feeling to come...I hope it comes soon cuz I hate this feeling of blahness in my life.....
lovelove
Beloit has brought some interesting things into my life. My FRIENDS of course make life so much easier but there is so much other shit that i am lucky i have them friends. Josh and I are just friends now. I am content with this. this is what we need to be nothing more. He annoys me and I don't like talking about him anymore haha. There are not any guys here in Beloit right now. There are a few that I have noticed but I am just working and trying to keep my head above water. I don't really know what I want right now. I want a relationship but I don't know if I want to be tied down...who knows. haha
My best friend from the past came back into my life the other day and I have to say I miss having him as a friend. I miss all the memories we have together and all the fun we had. I miss being able to come home and know that he was always next door if I ever needed anything. I miss the midnight phone conversations on the phone while looking through the window. I just wish I wouldn't of cared about who I was in high school and I would of stayed friends with him. I do admit that I made a mistake. I let peer pressure get to me. I should have never gave up on him. He is still the same guy. I always thought him and I would date. I had a crush on him for so long and him the same with me. We spend the night at each other's houses all the time but nothing ever happened we were young and confused.
I am still waiting for that summer feeling to come...I hope it comes soon cuz I hate this feeling of blahness in my life.....
lovelove
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