Don't you forget about me

BELOIT! Ha well I thought being home was going to be way better then it seems to have started. I have been here almost a week and I am not liking it at all. Jason and I are having a communication problem and I honestly don't know what to do. He has mentioned multiple times about breaking up with me. I went into this whole relationship thinking it was going to be a long term thing if it was going to just be a summer fling I was not going to do it just because I want a serious relationship. I asked him about it the other night and he avoided the question. I have not talked to him all day today and I don't know what to think. Maybe I am reading this all wrong and everything is fine but it is not looking that way. This hurts so much and I don't know what to do. I have cried a lot lately and I HATE crying. hm...I really hope things get better if not Jason and I will be breaking up soon.....

I have had problems with my mom of course that is nothing new these days. I just have a lot on my mind and tons of decisions to make. I just don't want to grow up right now. I want to go back to the days where I could run away from my problems and never have to face them. Now I know this sounds dumb and won't take the cheap way out of making things better. I have to keep reminding myself about my values. UGH! who knows.

lovesucks

I be loving you long time

Week 2 in Lax and I love it. I am going home this thursday for two weeks which is even more exciting. I miss my friends, family and Jason. I just want to hang with people that know me. Here in Lax things are kinda boring. Haha. I am trying to find a job and have an interview with Sears once I come back.

Hm what else? I have hung out with Toni and her boyfriend Quin a lot and they are tons of fun. I love them. haha Jason came and saw me friday night and that was nice. I miss him so much being away but it is for the best. I got offered an internship in Madison. I really don't know what I am going to do about it. I REALLY want to do it I just don't know when I can. Being offered the opportunity to work at the Capitol is amazing. I can't believe it. All the doors seems to be opening the right way for me right now and I am loving every moment of it. I know it will all end soon just because well my life never seems to be easy. I just don't want to fuck things up with Jason.

I am so scared that I am going to be the one to mess things up. I have a hard time being honest to one person because I feel that they do not care for me. That is not an issue with Jason but I just hope I can remind myself why I am doing what I am doing. I am falling for him fast and hope that will help me stay truthful to him. Going from a player to a single man is a little hard.

Right now I am enjoying life to the fullest. I get to see my friends at the end of this week and that is all that matters to me.

Love love

Lax Day 1

I have successfully moved back to the lovely La Crosse!!! Today is my first day on my own. No roommate, no dorm life and no pets..haha. I LOVE it. I love being on my own. I did leave behind a lot in Beloit and I am not sure how I feel about the situations at home. Jason and I are dating and I am loving every moment of it. He takes care of me more then my own mother does. He shows he cares. He used the "L" word a couple days before I left and I didn't know how to react. I didn't say it back but I am falling for him. Yeah he is a lot older then I am but I don't see this Age is nothing but a number to me. Wow I def didn't see my life at this point. I am loving every moment of him.

Now my mom knows about Jason and I, and told me she was okay with it. Now that I have left she is throwing this bitch fit and talking so much stuff about me behind my back. I do not understand her what am I suppose to do? I can not keep her happy. I do not want to go home because of her. I want to go back to Beloit to see my friends, family and Jason but not when my mom is acting like this. I am so glad I have moved out. I just need to find a job and things will be a lot better.

I went on an adventure today and found the post office. I was very proud of myself. Haha. I love it here. I need to clean this place but all well I have two weeks to do stuff.

My heart hurts for multiple reasons right now and I don't know what else to do.

I guess this time alone will help me sort my life out. Part of me wants to break up with Jason just so my mom will get off my back but i dont know..............I like him so much

UGH!!! why can't I just be happy? It is like a crime

hating life

I talk smack

well another season of fireworks has ended and this by far was the awkwardest summer! I ended up making out with Jason on the 4th and it was not spur of the moment thing. I kinda had it planned. Him and I had a conversation a couple nights before and well he told me he has liked me for years. It took my by surprise and made me reconsider everything. I have always thought he was hott but he is a lot older then me....that is the down side. I don't know what is going to happen between him and I. I move back to lax on friday. Some of my friends have yelled at me and some have even made me cry about the situation. I just don't know what to do. I like him. I honestly truly due. He likes me. He cares about me. I just don't know. People hate me now and I do not like that. I just wish some of my friends especially eric would see this from my eyes. UGH maybe it is best for me to just move to lax and forget everything that has happened...............

confused