Its my dick in a box...

AH! that is the word of the day. I am so exhausted of life right now. I miss Beloit, my friends, family and most of all Jason. Of course I fucked things up already, not surprising. I had to go and start talking to someone else in order to feel like I had someone but this just made things worse. Jason and I got over it and now I realize that I am more in love with this man then I have been with anyone else. I just want to see him every day. I want to sit on the couch and watch a movie together. I want to wake up next to him. I want all of this and I can't have it right now because I am going to school so fucking far away. He came and saw me this weekend, which was amazing, but it makes me want to cry all the time now because I realized how much he means to me. I have to make it through this. We have to make it.

Otherwise life sucks. I have not seen any of my friends in forever. I want to go home for a weekend but I don't get weekends off anymore. I need to figure things out with my family because they are a little ridiculous. I hate this. I just want to be happy and I can't do that. Hm I am living in a house next year which is super exciting. I can not wait! I am living with my friend Andrea who is amazing and then Jenny too which is even more exciting! Three years of rooming together she is like my sister. I am excited. who knows what I am doing for the holidays because I sure they fuck don't know what I am doing. I am not going home for thanksgiving but maybe for Christmas...who knows. not much else going on.

inlovelove

What goes around comes around

LIFE!
time goes faster then I want it to
friends come and go way to quick
tick tick tick its gone
I can't go back
I can only move forward
with or without me
I miss so many
work, bills, school, life.....

I miss beloit and my friends.....maybe not beloit but my friends I def miss. I work all the time now and still don't have a cell phone thanks to my lovely beyond lovely mother. One day I am going to be strong and she is going to regret everything she has put me through. I have lost all respect for her.

Teenie and Kim seem to far away. I have not been able to speak to them in ages. I feel lost.
I am having a hard time remembering that I have a boyfriend..........I have super strong feelings for him but not being able to talk to him all the time makes me feel like I am single....this is not good and is probably going to get me in trouble.

I seem to have lost a few friends here in lax and I really don't give a fuck They don't seem to understand that friendship is a two way road not a one way. FUCK THEM! I still have my core group and that is all that matters.

LOVEMYFUCKINGLIFE!