JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I have these moments where I just want to tell everyone around me to take their attitudes and their problems and shove them up their asses. I am so sick of hearing about everyone's problems....I have problems too. We all do. You are not any better then the person sitting next to you. We as humans tend to forget this. In this process I feel like I have lost two good friends. Actually I have lost them. I dont know who they are or why I even try to communicate with them. Tears come to my eyes thinking about all the good times we had together. I wish I could just leave people like that...to lead them on and then bam be like no more. Yes I still care and yes i still want to hear people's problems but I wish they would realize what they have lost. I have no words to describe the feeling that is going on inside my body......this is why I dont trust people. I should have known.

Thank you for the memories and thank you for the heartache that you have caused to many people..........

What a week!

this week is over and i am so glad. it has been a hectic week. I was super busy. i really dont know why. First week back and it hit me hard. I had to deal with guy issues, friends issues, homework and test. The greatness of writing a paper. The list goes on with how many things I had to do this week. Next week will hopefully be better. I didn't see Josh much this week and that made me sad. He was being an asshole but I do miss hanging out with him. Even if we are just going to be friends due to his popularity with the ladies all of a sudden. UGH! This weekend is a chill weekend going to study some, edit my paper and do some odds and ends stuff. I need to start looking at classes for next year. I am excited. I love picking classes. Next weekend Teenie and Alvaro are coming up to visit me and I am SUPER excited. Its going to be tons of fun. Dance party and many other great things. haha The month of March flew by I cant believe it's going to be April. Tuesday is the election for Beloit City Council and I hope Adam gets elected. I know it will be hard for him if he doesn't. Hopefully this week will end in all positives.
My emotional status has been up and down but I am hoping I can figure myself out and get back to normal. haha

lovelove

My heart cant take it anymore

spring break is over and i am so glad that it is. I couldnt stand being in Beloit another day. Spring break sucked. I reflect on the events that happened and well it was not good. I wrote about the death of Mr. Hugo Henry, that was so hard for me. It still is. Wednesday I believe it was I found out that some of my family had been deported back to Mexico. This is where I broke down. I dont know what is going on in this world. It bugs me so much. This is my family. My cousin had a life here, a job, family, a house, everything. Now he is gone back to Mexico never to enter the United States again. Half of my family is now packing up and leaving. What are we doing to these immigrants? We are scaring them. Half of my family is legal but they dont want to be here if this is the treatment they recieve and I understand. My heart hurts watching them close their house up. So many memories that happened there. Family means so much in the Mexican culture that we should not have to seperate.
The week got a little better on friday. I hung out with my besties and that was fun. Went to a dance party, grinded on some boys, kiss some, and well had fun. Saturday was the funeral for Mr. Henry and that was really hard for me. There image of him laying there not moving or speaking hurt like crazy. I could not stop crying. I have proimsed myself to work as hard as I can to prove to the young people in Beloit that there is still people out there that care.
Easter....well it was hard. A year ago on easter I lost my lovely V card to a guy that I no longer see or speak too. He did decide to give me a call and I kinda wish he wouldn't have. I miss him. I thought I was over him I forced myself to believe that I dont miss one ounce of him but I was fooling myself. The minute I heard his voice it was a flash back to the days we were once a happy couple. The days where I was not stupid before I fucked him over. He really loved me. He cared for me like no one else. I wish he would either stay in my life or leave my life; I hate this calling every now and then shit. It hurts me so much. I dont want to miss him anymore. I want to either not have to know that he will always be in my life at least as a friend. I am an emotional mess this week, hopefully I can get over it.
CLASSES TODAY!!! ugh
lovehurtlove
smile today is a new day

Everytime we touch..I get this feeling

SPRING BREAK!!!! haha well its not that great. So far it has not been great at all. Today Hugo Henry died a man that had a great influence on my life. I sat and cried for awhile today. He was by far my favorite teacher. I worked with him in the community in many years. He wanted Beloit to change, he wanted people to realize the potential of this community. Students hated him because he was so strict but all he wanted was for us to live up to our potential to make sure we did something with our life. Beloit has yet again lost another great man. I sit and cry wondering why the good ones always have to go first. Ken Hendricks and now Hugo Henry, both men had such a great impact on Beloit. Both deaths came out of no where and have left the city in shock multiple times. I dont think Mr. Henry's death has hit me yet. I want to go to work tomorrow and attend a meeting with him. I want to work with him on a project. I want him to still be here. I cant be selfish and it was his time to go but WOW. There are only a few left that care about this city like these two men did and that scares me. I hope someone steps up and realizes that Beloit needs help.

otherwise break has been interesting. Saturday well dinner and the play was great. I love being with my girls they make my night. After that it kind of went downhill. My breaks always seem to suck....I dont understand. Not much else to say..

RIP HUGO HENRY. YOU TOUCHED SO MANY LIVES. NOT ONLY THE LIVES OF STUDENTS THROUGH YOUR MANY YEARS OF TEACHING BUT BY ALSO BEING A COMMUNITY LEADER. YOU WANTED TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE HAPPEN IN BELOIT AND YOU PLAYED A HUGE ROLE IN THE OUTCOME SO FAR. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND DEDICATION. THANK YOU FOR PUSHING ME TO DO MY BEST. I NOW WORK IN HONOR OF YOU AND PROMISE TO NOT LET YOU DOWN. BELOIT WILL CHANGE. THANK YOU AND REST IN PEACE

I have had my moments

Tuesday! haha nothing to spectacular about it but well it is indeed tuesday. I go home on friday...YAY!?!?! kinda not to excited. I am in need of a break but Beloit is never a break its more of a drama filled vacation. I do get to see my friends which will be great, dont get me wrong. Today has been a BORING day three classes and I didn't learn one thing. Yesterday I only had one class so that was NICE. hahahaha

Hm this weekend. It was a good weekend. It started off bad now that I look back but it ended pretty good. Friday I went and saw 10000 B.C. It was an ok movie. Not what I expected at all but I liked it. It was kinda awkward evening due to going with Toni, Josh and Ian. haha Saturday was my cleaning and crying day and I did just that. It helped me alot and let go some of the extra feelings I was having. Josh and I agreed to be friends and focus on that. HA! I still am not sure what that means but who cares. Later on that night we were def over the lines of friends. I dont know once you cross that line its kinda hard to go back. Unless your down for kissing your friends. haha. that is the new thing I am trying out so you might want to watch out. It was a crazy night and nothing more needs to be said.

sigh....life is full of twist and turns. So I am thinking about getting a tattoo. I really want one but I am not sure yet. well I am sure that I want one I just dont know exactly what I want and how I want it

what else? :/ not sure

haha

likelove

Shawty is da shit...

Friday! finally....

wow I dont even know what to say about this week. It was not a good week at all. Madison was good but thats it (tell ya later). So the whole Josh issue went down at the start of this week and well the ball just kept rolling. I tried so hard to ignore him but I missed him so much. We are kinda friends I dont even know. I give up on knowing with him. Classes were not that great this week. My family has to move to another place in Beloit. People annoy me like no other. I just dont understand. When something is said DO IT! Dont be stupid and ignore it. UGH that is my pet peeve someone not doing what they say they will do. I have been sick all week so that is NO fun at all.

Madison...LOVE! I fell in love with Landon from Real World Philadelphia when I was in Madison. haha. I was in Madison for a smoke free wisconsin rally and it was AMAZING! I love being around people who want the same thing as me. I got to hang with friends I dont see often and that always makes me smile. I miss being directly connected to the cause. Here in Lax I dont get that much news. I HATE it. Otherwise the rally went really well. I am hoping in the next week the bills get called to a vote but who knows.

Love life = nothing
Friends= miss them
Health = sick
Friday = smile

That has always been my outlook on life. No matter what you do dont forget to smile. I could be having the worst day of my life and I smile. I make people believe that everything is ok. My heart does not hurt right now. My life does not suck. I LOVE it....thats what you think!

????love

Tears they come without warning

who am I? what type of person do I look like? Do you not realize that you led me on? A player is someone who leads girls on and then ends it with no particular reason. You say your not playing but let me tell you I knew for awhile now. It still hurts but I guess I will get over it. Why did you put effort into it? Why did you make things so complicated when they didnt need to be? Why did you always hang around me? WHY? I hate ending things that were just to great because in the end there is always one question that never gets answered. The question of why? I really dont know what to do now. Part of me says to cut off all connection with him but other half says give him a chance. Awkward vs more awkward...who knows. Its time like this that I wish I was still playing guys like no other. I always had someone to rebound off of. Now there is no one. It was fun while it lasted but now its done. I sleep in my bed knowing that there is no one now. This is my goodbye to all connected to him. why do I have a feeling something will change? why do I feel like I am fooling myself in the long run? Why do these tears come? Why is this adam all over again? WHY ME?

well not much else to say today. i hurt. i get over it. i cry. i long. I sleep. busy week. spring break 11 days.

fucklife