So I have continued my streak of fucking things up. ha not suprising. Josh and I are not even friends now. sigh. This is what I wanted. I have to keep telling myself that. This is the best option for both of us. I just want my feelings for him to go away. I miss him....I really do. I miss just hanging out with him. He probably doesn't even care but whatever I can not think about him anymore.
I have noticed that every guy I talk to uses the same lines on me. In the last three years I have had one guy that I have talked to for a long period of time but in the end they always tell me the same thing. You are an amazing girl but I just want to be friends or I do not want anything more right now. I do no understand this. If I am so amazing then why can't they make the commitment to me. Adam, Johnny and now Josh. Three guys that I developed strong feelings for and was shut down by all three. We all have a history together but nothing more. These must not be the men for me. Maybe I need to tell them from the start that I am not looking for friends with benefits or a fling. Maybe I am just picking the wrong guys....ugh.
This is my last week of school and I am super excited to be heading home soon. I just want to be done and away from lax for awhile...I need a break. I need to get my head back on track. I need to take one whole day and just cry with my friends. I need someone who understands me to tell me it is going to be ok. I need my best friends. I need my family. I am a wreck... but I will suck it up for a week!
sadlove
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