My heart cant take it anymore

spring break is over and i am so glad that it is. I couldnt stand being in Beloit another day. Spring break sucked. I reflect on the events that happened and well it was not good. I wrote about the death of Mr. Hugo Henry, that was so hard for me. It still is. Wednesday I believe it was I found out that some of my family had been deported back to Mexico. This is where I broke down. I dont know what is going on in this world. It bugs me so much. This is my family. My cousin had a life here, a job, family, a house, everything. Now he is gone back to Mexico never to enter the United States again. Half of my family is now packing up and leaving. What are we doing to these immigrants? We are scaring them. Half of my family is legal but they dont want to be here if this is the treatment they recieve and I understand. My heart hurts watching them close their house up. So many memories that happened there. Family means so much in the Mexican culture that we should not have to seperate.
The week got a little better on friday. I hung out with my besties and that was fun. Went to a dance party, grinded on some boys, kiss some, and well had fun. Saturday was the funeral for Mr. Henry and that was really hard for me. There image of him laying there not moving or speaking hurt like crazy. I could not stop crying. I have proimsed myself to work as hard as I can to prove to the young people in Beloit that there is still people out there that care.
Easter....well it was hard. A year ago on easter I lost my lovely V card to a guy that I no longer see or speak too. He did decide to give me a call and I kinda wish he wouldn't have. I miss him. I thought I was over him I forced myself to believe that I dont miss one ounce of him but I was fooling myself. The minute I heard his voice it was a flash back to the days we were once a happy couple. The days where I was not stupid before I fucked him over. He really loved me. He cared for me like no one else. I wish he would either stay in my life or leave my life; I hate this calling every now and then shit. It hurts me so much. I dont want to miss him anymore. I want to either not have to know that he will always be in my life at least as a friend. I am an emotional mess this week, hopefully I can get over it.
CLASSES TODAY!!! ugh
lovehurtlove
smile today is a new day